Famed Bounty Hunter Escapes Death, Finds Vehicle Right Where He Left It
September 3, 2015 5:00 am
The news on the web is that a high-profile bounty hunter managed to cheat death and escape without a single mark on his fancy outfit. Researchers are completely unsure how he managed to escape the giant, acidic pit into which he fell.
“When we saw him fall in, we were just crushed… Sorry, no pun intended. This is serious.” Terrance Rogers, a fan of Boba Fett said in an inverview. “We hoped that somehow we’d get some closure, and this is way better than that. There was this awful creature in there that eats people alive. We were feeling a bit hopeless that he would make it out.”
To make matters even stranger, it appears from video footage as if the bounty hunter was able to scale the side of the cliff and walk directly back to where he thought his vehicle was, even after an unknown amount of time had passed.
“I thought he had forgotten,” Rogers said. “If you’ve seen him enough, you can tell by the way he cocks his helmet what he’s feeling. That extra 5 degrees of tilt looked to me like he was having trouble remembering where he parked his ride. But there it was, right behind him!”
Now that the dust has settled, we wondered what the bounty hunter would do next.
“I suspect he’ll go after that jerk, Solo,” Rogers said. “I wouldn’t fault him if he just wanted to quit. Who’s even going to be around to pay out the bounty? Might as well take up a hobby or something.”
Terrance told us he had plans to throw a celebration dinner, but that none of his friends planned to attend, citing, “I don’t see what the big deal is,” and “who are we talking about again?”
“It hurts, ya know?” Rogers said. “I choose to celebrate a man who cleans things up, and makes the galaxy a better place than when he found it. My friends are all so mainstream, but whatever. I’m choosing to celebrate anyway.”
As it turns out, you can’t keep a bounty hunter, or his fans, down.