In Response to ‘The Martian’, Congress Votes to Send Matt Damon Back Home to Mars
October 6, 2015 5:00 am
When Congress received word that the documentary “The Martian” was doing well in theaters, many who would run for office took a stand.
“We can’t allow this blatant disrespect for our country to continue,” Republican candidate James McLean from Texas announced. “These filmmakers are openly mocking us by allowing a Martian free entrance through our borders.”
“I’m usually open to flexible immigration, but even I have a limit,” Democrat Rodger St. Rogers agreed. “I just don’t know how I could look my constituents in the eyes and say, ‘yes, I allowed this person from Mars to come in and just take our jobs’. I don’t think they would understand in this political environment.”
Some who are already established in Congress agreed, while most seemed unphased.
“The people of Delaware aren’t worried at all,” Democrat Leon Schnauser said calmly. “They use their common sense to say, ‘one Martian isn’t going to be the end of us.’ This whole thing is a media mess, brought on by Fox News and the Tea Party who want to see me sweat a little. But I think Mr. Damon should stay if he wants, it could even help diplomacy with the fine people of Mars.”
Unfortunately as the interviews were being conducted in the last few weeks of summer, most of the established members of Congress were unavailable, citing golf as their reason. We hope that in the upcoming elections, more people in Congress will address this case so that we will know whether or not to expect any more movies with Matt Damon.